strangely familiar

Blair: "i would do anything for you chuck, what if that's wrong?"
"i never thought it was possible to love someone too much but maybe it is..
i dont like who i've become with you"

this is the end...chuck.

(:

my man

i love yew

if possible, this is how long i want it for us.
but who's to say it will last?

寂寞寂寞就好

this is how i feel when i give this piece of advice :" you should give time, time.." but whenever it happens to me,i never ever heed my own advices though :/

love this song (: it says everything.

2010-2011

upcoming events, need to stay organised (: phew so much going on so i need to stay focus and work hard, dance hard as well..

Fb production- watching at 17 and 18 december
sunshine's 21st -18 december Preppy theme
Cousin's wedding 24th-25th December
RUDOLFUCKYEAH- 25th december
Vetting for Danzation- 26th December
Audition for Choreographer's for Gems audition - 30th december ( anger hiphop- *BIG headache*)
On the same day 30th december : countdown performance : eve's recital item scape
Sophia's 21st- 2 jan Masquerade theme
School reopens - 5th Jan ( 4 modules TO conquer)
Danzation Production - dancing 7th &8th january
Yew's P.O.P date on 8th Jan
Trainings for SDD- every saturday from now onwards
SDD- February http://www.dancedelight.sg/ 59 more days..
Semester ends 25th march
EXAMS
GEMS 6- in April

i know. i know. what your thinking at e back of your head, juggling school, dance all at the same time, my health is going to go down again.

time to stock up on the vitamins. next sem is no joke with commercial law, prices and markets, bus stats and mgt acc will drive me crazy.

better buck up leycia. you dont have much time.
so MANY EVENTS CLASH. :(

happened to read up on this HAHAHAH

"Many women push themselves too hard to do something that can wait until another day. They seem to get into situations that created more stress than could really be handled, placing unnecessary physical and emotional strains on themselves as well as others.

Why do we do these things? We either fail to realise or don’t want to believe that it is physically impossible for us to accomplish everything we task ourselves (or have been tasked) with. To stay mentally and physically healthy, we need to learn how to better manage our time. It has been said that the best way to manage your time is to prioritise and delegate."

HAHA fcuk man so true. i have fallen into the superwoman's trap. :/

off for a tann and swim with my bestie samm <3>

SUPERWOMAN NEEDS A BREAK TOO!✈

Faith is spelt with you and me

im with a simple guy but im a complicated minded girl. but i want to be contented, i want you to be happy too. i want to work towards my goals, i wanna work towards our goals too. I just want what's best for you,what's best for us.. so from now on, we are going to be strong cause despite everything against you and me, i still believe in us.

thinking back, ive got all that i wanted before i started out in this route, i had nothing, i wasnt a dancer, i found someone i love who loves to dance, i found many friends, involve myself in competitions , performances and productions and found a goal to work on.

most importantly, i found my passion. some people come around, and they dont find it, but i did.

wanna be BFAB. cause you give respect to the boombox thats given birth to you. (:

thankful. blessed and happy. 2010 thank you!

DIG this video and song alot. (:

well the thing is, my faith says its time i come out of my shell and kill this social stigma thats been going around for way too long in dance.. cause its time, i do something about it already. gonna prove that i can, and i can do this. must STOP. feeling. insecure.

Gonna bring this piece to the stage. dedicate it. must kill it at audition. nuff said.

SDD, GEMS CONCERT, DANZATION. SEM 2 HERE I COME.

till april, i hope i survive. i hope i dont collapse.
busy like a bumblebee but i still need my honey :D

honestly im quite worried about whats going on with my immune system nowadays. it hasnt been a smooth sailing year for my body. I know how stubborn i am. Wish i could really change this habit so that everything would be better, but really im trying to make changes now so that i have more time to spent with the family. As much as i know we aint that close that we can talk about our troubles as in those inner deep troubles where you watch on television and your mum hugs you and tell you everything will be ok? Doesnt happen in this family. Its something like i only get a hug and kiss when its my birthday. But i do remember having a goodnight kiss all the time when i was younger, wondered where that went and i forgot how i used to kiss my mum goodnight too when i was just a child. They say everything is much better when your younger, its true.

Yesterday, i headed to the science centre with lbf for the C.S.I experience which i was so hyped up for. Gotta thank god for him sometimes. I dont know why. Cant find a friend who used to be my ex, or rather i was his first love, we used to be enemies, we had a very bad broke up and things ended badly we didn contact each other for almost close to 4 years and then we found our way back to each other through gems concert. i remembered. something asked me to ask him to come to watch that concert, then we became friends again. Those really good friends where we could dig back all that old shit and talk about it and dont feel awkward at all. I had the best prom ever and the worst experience at secondary two with him creating a whole hoo ha, of accusation or assumption that didn even happen and well, i guess im gonna remember him for life as my arch enemy back then, even the fugging sitting plan for sec 4 had me and him placed together at the front row. HAHAHAHAH. wtf. but a switcheroo, and everything feels better now.

its good to have a person like this in your life, who have known you in all sorts of ways, as a girlfriend, as a friend and as an enemy. So i probably had his ego up a little too much if he ever read this post. but yeah, this post is for you. subtracked alittle, the C.S.I thing was really awesome. there were three crime scenes that you had ta gather evidence , and there was really a corspe ( fake of course) and the crime scene with evidence all left there for you to decipher, i really felt like a detective. :D dont mind going back there with yew, if he books out. ^-^ but travelling there is really a siaotingtongz.

dont wanna talk about how i ended my day at UWB showcase, but having able to witness the works of nappytabs is truly a blessing. The migraine just hadta fugging spoiled everything. whatever it is, yesterday had its fair share of ups and downs. just wanna document it down, ( i know not in a very orderly like i used to type out my thoughts kinda way) so that i can remember it vividly. im getting old and like i said at the beginning of my post, gastric migraines, fever flu, had its way to me this year, all within a month. its time i change up my schedule a little bit. off for my first tp training ever since i graduated. its gonna be awkward, but im going to just dance and fuck care all the socialising and talking. thank god i have sha and cheryl. still contemplating if i should do gems 6. we will see about that.

no one

i have alot inside i know i have been dying to say. Its been kept in there for a really long time ever since september till now. I just couldn tell it to anyone, because i felt that no one would understand, i felt that no one was able to sit down for one second, put down their cell phone, not think about anything else and just fucking focus at what i was saying, look me in the eye and just pay attention to every single bit of it. I just couldn find a companion the way i wanted my companion to be my composure. No one else comes close to how i used to feel about voicing out , now i cant tell to anyone at all.

this is how i feel: im going to pour it out once and for all now. i cant take it any longer. sometimes, it boils down to a point, i dont wanna say it because i know every "someone" out there i meet is fighting their own battle. i can never grab hold of their one dimension and sublime my bubble of troubles with theirs. i cant seek refuge in another's trouble bubble by not bursting it.

ever since university started, i felt that there was no one there to ever listen to how i feel. i just went to school, study, the way regimented has its own methods of getting up my sleeves, i felt boring, i felt like i am not doing what i like at all. This may be the last phase, but i believe that i hated the environment. I hated the people around me. i cant believe im saying this, but its true. Dont get me wrong, they are not mean people, i just felt, it was superficial bonding, people i know my questions i would asked will be on the surface, i will never be able to let them in or tell them how i truly feel because sometimes, the casual sarcasm jokes voiced across when a serious issue is mentioned, just got brushed off like that. its not that ive never tried, saying how i truly feel nowadays just doesnt WORK anymore. i keep EVERY single thing to myself. i dont even believe in telling them to my best friends.

Much less my dance friends, much less telling it to yew. The relationship is just one sided now. sometimes i get really tired. i know you dont take me for granted, i know i did mention i dnt get tired of travelling, because we dont have a choice. The only way for me to meet you is for me to travel all the way to bukit panjang to find you. The truth is, im really tired. I miss the time where you would come and find me, where we would hang out other places other than your house, i miss having dinner with you, i miss watching a movie, being able to hang out late on a sunday and never have you to book in, what i miss most is your INITIATIVE. its gone. This relationship, honestly is starting to become a burden to me. You asked me if its what i said was the truth the previous time, it was. i lied sorry. Im getting tired. I dont know why i cant tell you my problems now cause i know your weary, it becomes that i just listen to your field camp, i just sit and listen to your tired ness what you go through, it became all about you.

when was the last time, you sat down and hear about me? about how i feel, cause the last time i said something, you could only say sorry and tell me you feel guilty and ask me to stop saying. I cant tell you anything anymore. much less to audd or sy. because i know they are busy with their work. They have their troubles too. Then i see alot of my friends who have what they have now, but dont cherish and take it for granted, spoilt, and treat like whatever thats given to them is byright fair and comes easy and of not a big deal.

it fucking aint. I dont know why im so cooped up. I just cant find anyone else to talk about my troubles anymore. Even if i have, i just cant. i realised i have been fencing myself very deep in ever since yew enlisted, ever since my bestfriends started working and ever since uni begin for me. there, ive spit it out.

i dont believe im the same leycia anymore. there were many days, i cried myself to sleep and when i needed you to be there, you cant, and you will never appear, but when you needed comfort and when you need me the most, i will be there, because thats how this relationship survive, a flower surviving on a gardener's responsibility to water it. But the flower never ever wondered if the gardener is getting weary of doing so.

i just want someone to talk to, sit down and for once know whats really going on in my life. Especially this gastric incident, it just showed me who really cared, and who didnt. everyone is just so fucking selfish nowadays, the disappointment is not surprising anymore to take.

if one day, someone takes my hand, sits beside me and look me in the eye and tells me that :" i will be here to listen, or i will be here silent, you just have to let it all out"..i bet i wont know how to response, because there were too many fences build to fence myself in from such a person. he/she doesnt exist anymore.

memories like glitter

"If you could only grab hold and stench your hand with the smell of fresh glitter, a few distinctive beautiful memories... when you dip into a glass bottle, i want every single one of mine to shine."

my support

recital is tomorrow. very excited for it. nervous yet i know i will try my best to conquer the stage cause where the dancer stands on the stage is ground feet honour to do so. And to the love of my life (: thanks for being here for me even though we have so little time together. I love yew for that. (: gonna turn in now. tmrow is gonna be a great day. i cant wait. listen to the music, cause its your teacher, and the rest will follow through. take flight. cabin crew.

price tag

i love it better like this. when i have nothing to do, when its raining outside, me having a book in hand, my mac on the desk and a mug of instant caffeine. Something i would never ever ever get when school starts. gonna seep everything in slowly today.

on a brighter note, hear this. im in love with jessie j. (:

Life tape

oh yes. i havent been here for eons again. HAHAHHA (: sorry. pardon the lack of leyciaish gibberish that doesnt make any single sense in this century. i refuse to do anything productive today right now as im sitting on the chair with my lunch on the desk. just nothing. i wanna chill this day off cause out of 365 days in the calender, this one should just pass off as one of those " non-busy, grab your shoe and zhao, never pack socks, run to recital training, mrt to clementi then back to the east days". period. so this will be 1/ 365 im willing to slack it off and do nothing. just one day cause my body doesnt wanna get too accustomed to it. ^-^

i woke up funny today, especially after yesterday's fulldress run. it got me thinking, " no mistakes= perfection?" This sentence ( well not grammatically of course) can be interpreted in so many ways. ho hum. In studies, everyone make mistakes but you learn from them and then dont make them again( but half of the time, or rather in my case, most of the time, i do commit them again) but " its of human to err" is the lousiest excuse when you stick to your stand in front of a perfectionist. just doesnt work that way for dance. You've got only one shot on stage. one shot to make it right. And sometimes, when i screw it up, and when the lights black out after the whole item ends, the feeling is, " shit, i screwed it up, that wasnt my best" and then i guess for some dancers out there, do tear it silently inside or show it on the outside. Well everyone have their limits. Speaking in many or rather trying to put myself in many high cuts yankees nike dunks, i feel like that too. just plain demoralised that you didn do your 110%. "The audience is stupid" thats what ryan always says. But, thats not an excuse either. just cause they are plain stupid ( well not literally) cause humans love love love WITH THE CAPITAL L to judge with what they see on the first visible layer of their eyes. ive decided to work on it.

There comes a point of time when you sit by a bench in an empty park, you close your eyes and then your life flashes right before you. just right there, and you see images, pretty marred lines of what you can grab hold of in your past just playing on repeat like an old rickety rocking chair that doesnt stop its motion. You want it to be fabulous when you press the pause button right there. No matter which scene, which image, you know that image of life, at that point of second you paused your lifetape, its still beautiful. So i guess, on stage, yes no mistakes= perfection cause you have to do it right, but when you screw it up, suck it in. Cause nobody teaches you to make that mistake. They only teach you not to make it. You have taught yourself how to learn from your mistakes the moment you actually make it.

So im going to start teaching myself stop harping on mistakes. Then stop it the moment i make it and tell myself, there there... one lesson like this is more than enough. you have many more ahead of you to start not to "teach" yourself with.


ps: my camera isbeing a baby, playing dead with its usb "like its umbilical cord hanging around." update on my trip to JP and NYC, the next post when i fix its faulty brain. loves

dreamcatcher

there are some things that aren't real., but i believe the grass are getting greener each day. I know that day is drawing near, i know by far one day when i wake up, i see what a fleeting glimpse of a flickering memory of my future is.. and all i wanna see it, is different from diffused faulty lights... that my dreams aren't mere marred lines of images i drew with weak fingerprints on broken glass , disappearing with fragments of condensation..that my wait is not transient but worthwhile.. cause at the end of the day, when i say "i do", i knew everything was did leycialy.. and when that day comes real,i will have no regrets.

i would rather soar than fly. At this moment.,its not about flying away anymore. its soaring where hellground is.

and when sunsets, you get stardust

Choices

ive been away for really long. not intentionally but the intentions of writing just faded with my suburban heart and my urban messed up life. Sometimes, i just cupped my hands,lean forward and hug myself for three to five seconds thinking what's really going on in my life. The choices i have made and why i went ahead with it. Gradually, i will promise myself i will find an answer as days go by... likewise, i wished i really knew. But i didnt. and i never did.

There were many choices i made in this year that i know i didn hesitate and went ahead with it. Irrational, call me being rash, or on impulse..i just didn't felt like there wasn't a reason not to. But at the end of the day, i realise all the choices i made in situations leads me to a stage where i have no more choice but to carry on with what i have agreed earlier on. More often than not, its never... for myself. I have done too much this year for others.. I have all these self conversations and disillusion in my head especially when October comes around the corner. Something about October, feels right. Feels me, feels that in this month, i have to do something for myself. We can do without the talks for the rest of the months that i have forsaken, but not for October.

I know i have made many led downs and mistakes in my choices leading to disappointments. Especially in the friendship area. But selfishly, i wished they understood where i was standing, why i decided to choose the other option. But i know its my fault. You cant choose both love and friendship. You have to give up one. One always gets lesser than the other. But i dont wanna be like this anymore from now onwards. It doesnt mean that im going to think for myself now, i just wanna do what's rightful to the rest that i have missed out on for a long period of time.

I have been circling too much around yew. Now that's he gone, i dont deny that sometimes i feel like im the old me again. i feel like i can do without him at times like this when i fall really really sick when hes not there. But thing is its not he that didn care, its even if he wants, he cant. So truthfully, i have to compromise. But i dont want to anymore. I wanna find the other me thats been buried for really long deep underneath this relationship. And i wanna find her back real bad even when he books out, i know that i have finally strike the balance. Being in a relationship has made me lost something on the way, i dont really know how to put words to it, but i know theres something missing and i know i can have it even when im with yew. Just gotta trace it back.

Recitals, Danzation, Trainings, School, has taken its toll on my body. I thought i wouldn fall sick, but in the end i did. It should have happened way back earlier on, but i guess now wouldn make a difference.I wanna do well for everything i have chosen to do this year before my birthday and even after it.

Because i know, tracing back the dotted lines that i have missed , would eventually lead me back to the starting point.

Because this is so fucking important.

if i lose you, i lost a part of me that i let my guard down for one person that i have never done for anyone else in... such a short time...


that i couldn find a reason no matter how i try.

"One day, you’re going to wake up and realize how special she is and when that day comes,she’ll be waking up next to the guy who already knew.."

It's my life, it's now or never

1st sept-Accounts test 20%
2nd sept- Econs test 15%
16th sept-Marketing Principles Test 20%
17th sept- accounts individual assignment 25%
20th sept- student week showcase dreamwerkz
somewhere around there- Vetting for recital
1st Oct- Test 2 Econs 15%
14th Oct-Group Assignment 30%
Loads of vetting and every friday trainings for Danzation collabo
Exam period- October 25th- November 9th ( Final exams) 70%
*loads of rehearsal , full dress rehearsal for recital
costume finding, sourcing
20th november 21st november- o school recital( 3 shows)
*still debating if i should join the chingay thing*
DECEMBER danzation training till january.

and my 2010 is all planned till 2011


welcome to my double life (:

and my perfect excuse for all these :

how selfless can one person be? to what extent?

the reckless-zombie

When I say, “I love you”, it’s not because I want you or because I can’t have you. It has nothing to do with me. I love what you are, what you do, how you try. I’ve seen your kindness and strength. I’ve seen the best and worst of you. And I understand with perfect clarity exactly what and who you are.


so dont say you love a person until you really do.

here for you

My sweet french escape

The French Stall

So anyway i just came back from a french restaurant at serangoon! hurhur east side girl finally explored the west hee ._. i know. like a suaku chiku.

so anyway its my very first time trying escargot. The thought of it in my mouth at first freaked me out! ._. omg hahaha but its actually really nice, taste like squid to me though ..like those oyster/squid kinda texture and taste. Garlic bread is yum! But most probably my best take away of the night has gotta be this.



They say no meal is complete without a dessert to taste. And this tiramisu is by far the dopest i tried. Ok so you must be like ( she's rambling non stop but not telling me where is the little serangoon french restaurant) hahaha! ok here it is!!

its called the French stall! at 544 Serangoon Road, 218166
Tel: 62993544

http://www.thefrenchstall.com.sg/
webbie intro is super cute. love the snail. (:

they have another one at macpherson!! weet weet.


i had a really great night taday catching up with godma.
alright lbf is on his way to study with me. goodie two shoes. Shall spamm him a.cs questions.

bye lovely peops

Confessions

ok so it's 11:51 and im sitting here with my cereal just that the MILK from the fridge always goes missing. I have a big pussy fat cat at home that always steal the MILK. What's cereal without milk huh?! ok i was kidding. Obviously, there are many milk lovers in the house. So right now, i replaced milk with milo. Sweet max ._.

Alright, this week has been pretty mundane but yet hectic. I gotta start updating my life like this, reading back how i used to write was amazingly genuine, this is blogger not a tumblr, if not i would have already just kept posting pictures and let them do the talking but nope. im gonna write (:

Last week we had our first recital training with eve. And to search for dance in the whole wide world theme was awesome. We chose LONDON (: weee! im gonna be one of those military punks that you know no matter how you go up to them "smile and poke smile and poke" and they just give you a blank expression. But when they start doing their salutation and marching thang, thats when they fire it up!!! hee can't wait to learn finish the whole choreo. One thing that's not cool is vetting is near my birthday and recital is on my final exams week. OMG. why do they ALWAYS CLASH HUH! ._. deadfish i am.

SO SO, im actually kinda a happy girl nowadays other than mugging for my econs and accounts paper, ive been really in a dreamy state mood just picturing everything falling into its place with me taking them down one by one. Not so bad after all. Just hope that this feeling will stay strong till next week. I really wanna just go near to the shore and just throw pebbles, shout some senseless words that will dissolve in the big ocean knowing that my heart is emptied, would definitely get me some revelation. Things between me and the world is spinning in my universe.

I gotta say i really admire the way my mum just wake up in the wee mornings just to send my bro to NS camp then do her marketing, come back and cook for the whole family lunch then head to work. To me that's like a EXHAUSTING max vicious cycle. There are always lovely notes left on the table that i wake up to. For e.g this one here ( below) states everything that she cooked today. Focus on the "EAT" and " SWITCH OF THE IRON". hahaha tells alot about how much she knows me.


alright the printer says its time to go bathe and prepare hahahah, cause i just printed 60 over pages of lecture notes and it just jammed, means i have to go fix another mess i created. If you'r reading this, this is how i roll in my mornings lately. And yes feeding mealworms( dead fried ones of course) to my hamsters ( they eat it like they are pocky! ._. no kid). alright i guess thats a short update of "i don't know what" that's going on in my life. Need to organise my stuff. No more messy.

alright! have a great brunch if you'r here and just strolling around cause im off now.
tata~

✈ ✈ ✈ ✈Take Flight ✈ ✈ ✈ ✈

#86

HAPPY 20TH BIRTHDAY SY!!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SY! (: i cant express in words how much i actually appreciate that i met you. From secondary one till now. Really amazing 8 years friendship we have till now. Yes we are gonna be friends for a century, you century egghead. (: I would never trade anything for it. We are gonna say " happy birthday!" to each other in so many years to come till my teeth are chapped and my bones are brittle, we would still be sitting on grass patches talking about everything under the sun with audd. I really thank life to have met both of you.We've been through a hell way too much to drift apart cause you girls are indeed my FAIR.ME.LEE! (: Have a great 20th and i will pass you your present soon. *hugs*

so cute (: i want a CHOW CHOW! Emo dog with stubby toes and BOOMZ FUR.

consumption

oh you really have no idea how i feel right now. This feeling is consuming me. They say there are things that you can share with certain people, this belongs to those things that you know you can tell no one because even if they knew, they cant give you the right advice. Its like a guilt of fire, an outbreak at my hearts' doorstep engulfing me. Jump over or not. I dont wanna extinguish it. Sooner or later, i'd have to.

driving me insane

feeling really weary. not physically but in all aspects up in my head.

下雨天·

Plunge

"this month is going to be a roller coaster ride, those you know you gotta grip tight and just shout at the back of your lungs. here we go...."

24/7

I'm your superwoman around the block, around the neighbourhood..


till you say " time's up"

beastly

its like beauty and the beast

when they say its what underneath that matters, it touched me.

change is good, i dont really care what the others are gonna say bout her change, cause apparently every song, there is always "her" in it. some may not see it but i do. that's the BoA. i respect.

i got into recital. i didn got in once. but i got in now. improvement? i wanna discover more, cherish more, and just made it really worth while. for what's worth, im really happy the way things are now, despite little pricks here and there, my heart is as sea blue green as it is. calm and serene.

i find it hard to open up to people who wants to know what's going on. it means losing another set of keys, and breaking another lock. too much damage. recently, too much been going on, YOG is really draining and yew's enlistment is drawing near. I havent decided what mood to have when i sit on the ferry but i will most definitely witness him embarking on the next cycle or rather journey of his life. i hope he learns something in army,cause serving the nation makes me feel really proud of my boyfriend.

i tried out for audtion at DWZ, school dance. Results is this wednesday. Yew said, they are looking for dancers to collabo in danzation. i really tried to just chill and feel the music so i would get in. And when its danzation, i hope you would perform for your crew class item and me collabo so for very once we would share the same stage. wednesday. cant wait to know the results (:

ive thought of it. A women is most beautiful when she believes in what she does and feels happy about what she believes in.
i want to be beautiful that way. cause i cant feel beautiful nowadays outer layers.

Slumber has been fluffified recently with scrump. (:
AND IM thankful of friends recently.
a few bunch. gotta know how contented i am. but wont show it.

gastrictis

this time for real, it feels like every 3 seconds someone takes a small fist and punch my insides then hold it right there like an ice cream scoop, scoops out a part where it hurts. every 3 seconds, cringe. if its gastric ulcer and it bleeds, i think its time for treatment cause each time i eat, i feel the food goes down and then when it reaches the middle part between of my ribcage,it hurts even worse. :(

wat am i to do.

i need the world to listen than to speak

In three more days im flying to hong kong. but why does it feel like i just wanna stay here for a little while. just spent some time to myself ( i dont have to pack my luggage, iron those clothes, get ready for something)yet at the same time i wanna get out of here. Dont wanna get ready for anything yet. just sublime to the lazy walls.

I feel really tired these few days. probably its one setback after another, when you pave a path for someone, you become selfless, and when that person reaches a dead end or feels lost for directions, he/she becomes selfish, and you have to be more selfless to guide that person, produce productive efforts because in certain situations, they may even judge your ability to provide the best directions to the right route. i feel like that, for this whole month. I use to think yknow, smile it off, laugh yourself silly and tomorrow's gonna be a better day cause when you kinda reach 19 going to the big two O, everything becomes more surreal,its probably why i hit the books, something more naive and innocent for me to exploit then it exploit me compared to the world out there, where you put on a tie, wear your coat and hit the briefcase and off you go to be devoured.

nifty tricks, but ive got none. its not blonde to be stupid and naive, if there was a world in my head, people should be less selfish.

everyone is attracted to something new, but i wanna stay loyal to something, and maybe that determination always gets me somewhere. i can see it already. just let me have it, and i will be contented. if i have that world, i will live my dreams big.

nevertheless, im thankful my two limbs, two eyes, white face, body intact anatomy allows me to dance.They said optimism is so important from 20 onwards,i think i need some of that now. An angel would be sweet.

i have suntec, yog, recital,uni all to worry about. Other than dancing, im just a normal girl, not perfect, not flawless, just plain normal person. living. so thank god for dance, even if it fails me, i kinda found it and just wanna hug it tightly.

slumber time

2 "O"s and 1 "O"

"its gonna be a roller coaster ride, sit tight"

i lost my will to write. oh gosh. It explains why here is always so dusty and the longer i do not come back here, the faster that faith is depleting. But its all good because too much happened to be put into words and sometimes words cant really express how much you feel for something and easily gets mistaken. Im just gonna do a little sum up of 2010 then im outta here. ._.

This year is gonna be a really really busy year for me. Just gonna weigh the pros and cons here, or i could just get all done and over with knowing my stubborn self being( i will fall sick a million times but brush it off *shrugs*). Coming august, i will be entering a total different phase of student life, the last phase in fact. Most of the times, i dont even know if it is what i wanna do. Guess everyone goes through that phase huh. But no, i really dont wanna sink myself into that 3 years pithole knowing what im studying is not what im gonna do in the future. stupid tourism course that really wasted my youth and all that eyebags is enough for me to go shopping a dozen times already. So no more of that. Its just gonna be me working hard with this degree all in the name for that cert and in the name of my own business. I really want a cafe of my own. Its just everything. Every single time i step into one, especially the scent, the buzz, and most importantly, the space i feel most like myself . it never fails me. so im gonna create that space for anyone who just wanna escape the world, be it with a book, a cup of coffee, or just some "alone" time to themselves. I really am gonna work hard for this. Even the baking part. oh gosh, it drives me crazy. but all the name of love. (:

Dance wise, (the double life) its going to be jampacked. Now im at the edge of the cliff, standing rocky, its rickety rack, but i know my vision is still as strong as the first time i closed my eyes and pictured all of us standing on that stage. I really wanna make it to audition date. because i know we most definitely can, but 5 people with different commitments and different free time is really driving me up the wall at times. Its so near yet so far, so close to touch, so im just gonna put actions into all my words. This nervous wreck, is as messy as my room. Then there's recital. Dont wanna screw this one up anymore. I need to give my all. its next sunday. i need to really WANT it. * pulls headbow tight* and right now all that YOG commitment at night, is making me sick. I can feel it already. Nope i never regret quitting my job to have some personal space, because i know i really need it after all that post drama syndrome and the relapse of my asthma, its time i gave myself a break. That aside, TBG was really awesome.because QUEST CREW was teh shit. i think i only truly love dtrix and ryan conferido. hahahahhahaha

For the past two months, its been amazing. Both bad, and great. not good but to me it was great. There were two people. In fact i guess there were three. One i have just reconciled from the past, two that were there for me always. I knew who was true to me, who wasnt, and who knew everything, and who didn't. When i needed time alone, when i never cry that far fetched, when i was at pit bottom, they pulled the ropes.

guess that's all i needed. People who wanted to fend for me, who just wanted to protect my rights. I dont get that very often. But im contented to have these people. not much, not a handful but just those few that always been there. that's more than enough.

i foresee, the upcoming months to be real hectic, more of packing of double luggage, and more auditions. But at the end of the day, i want to say this line to myself :" i made it". so im gonna wait for that moment. if you actually read till here, i must say wow, you have great patience and all. thanks for reading all that rant.

Im going to fight for my dreams. Flickering like a candle, but im going to fend all that wind. Its so fluffy BUT im not going to die.<3>

that aside ;

before audition, i m going to get all that back x2 x3 gah x whatever there is. cause im going to need it. otherwise, i had most fun at these two classes (: love eve! love o school. love dance peace! :D

mum says its time to activate cafe project one year from now.
gotta make it work, this is my dream. it is what i rather do than stay in a box.

" there is a box in your heart, nobody can move it, but only yourself"

three cookies dunked in milk

knowing me, i know this is probably the longest yet i have ever decided to come to this space and write something. That's cause i have certain issues about the word "sharing" . Anyway, the NYC trip was really much needed, it got me thinking, got me exposed to different culture, and most importantly i got to meet up with martin.

I know i have always wanted to do this post, but i guess procastination or rather, writer's block more like it. But this is dedicated to lsy and auddball. (:

Sometimes, when you thought the people you trusted the most would be the ones around you and would understand and stick by you, but i have lived with a more realistic fact that one day, you will realise everything happens for a reason and the people that you thought you trusted the most and could count on are the ones that , will leave you; especially during the past two to three years, this fact that ive integrate at the back of my head gradually sinks in.and learning it through the really hard way. Im sorry i admit, i used to thought of that to the both of you. But then every single time when i fall, when i had no one, when i decided to not show the true side of me, you girls know, you girls know what's going on, what's real, what's right and what's wrong and would always ( no matter what) stood by me, without any complaints, just hearing me out. Sometimes, they term this as people you thought you would never meet in this lifetime, but i met you , in fact two of such people that have probably changed me and taught me to fend for myself and know the person i really am inside out. This means alot.

And during the whole trip i realise, that hey, yunn, you'r right. We are family. We are friends and family at the same time, cause i realise everytime we fight, or when we argue or when there's issues, we dont judge each other, and we dont get angry at each other for more than a day because we know we cant do without any in this friendship. And i can never find someone who wants to bring out the best in me and be proud of who i am. For that, i would never trade this for anything else.

clothes over bros, lsa over hoes HAHA. i know i always say that i dont wanna EVER get married in this lifetime, but if i ever ever change my mind, you girls would be the one walking with me down the aile. Unless, i die or something cause this year, fuck all that shit, im gonna be a happy girl ( no more emo shit, or fake friends or fake contact lens or fake eyelashes or fake this fake that), and im gonna fight for my happiness. Because someone thought me this, and feels happy when im happy and that person has already filled that spot. thanks to yew.its not for forever, but no matter what, you have thought me so much by loving me.

till then, i wont be writing here as much cause i have realised, i dont need to share so much here anymore, i shall do all my sharing with you people. loved, me

its only when certain things are robbed away from you then you will truly realised its value..

Revealed

I need intervention
Attention to stop temptation to scream

"forgetting someone you love is like remembering someone you have never seen before.."

The best things are always at the cream of the top. The best girls are always the cream of the crop. So i dont get why every girl tries so hard to be indifferent. Beneath that vessel and pretty face, everyone is actually different from one another. You are you, im am me. You can never be me, and i can never be you.

Ive been feeling very out of touch lately. My emotions are roller coaster high and sometimes drop dead low in 360 degrees. I don't really like it when people just label my sadness as me being emotional. In other words, lame man's terms.. emo and whatever pessimism that comes along as me being ME. fuck off. I have my reasons. And the only reason why you are saying that im emotional or labelling me as one, is because i just show you what you wanna see, or what you perceive to see. I never confide in you anything so what makes you think you have the rights to just label all my emotions in just a split second, doing your stereotyping thing.

I know when to be happy, who to be happy with, and what's genuine happiness. Cause if it's not, i really dont see the point of me being chirpy all around you cause obviously that's not the real leycia you see. Many airplanes around, many wishes to make cause people pretend they are stars.

So what happens when a real shooting star flies past, are you gonna tell me that's an airplane wish?

gotta find it back

useful

finding a job is so difficult..even in a city like mine.. just a little dot but i aint even getting anywhere. So gotta just keep trying sending out those resumes and email!! (: probably its cause im looking for casual and part time but it beats just bumming around at home. i have a working spirit in my vessel. Its dying to get out so please *cross fingers* and get back to me alright? <3>

shall go read on the savings plans!! :> tmrow i will be an awesome telemarketer!
at least a patient one to begin with BOO haha!

this is the start where everything is done leycialy..
no more compromises, no more empathy..
and definitely no more "waiting for you"s
just "go ahead and do what's right for me"s.
i live for the people i choose to love. the rest shall disappear with the past.

oddinary

i would rather be oddinary than pretending to be extraordinary all the time.

really just fuck all of that.

happy me!

ok some organising of my life right now (:

this friday there will be the train flashmob job work thing - thats like 18 stations and 13 performances! haha doing the CHICKY DANCE !
:> that should earn me about $300-400?
17th april will be the next rehearsal for the t3 flashmob thing- that' s only $60
Every wednesday at 6 there will be the graduation broadway performance
On the 18-21st of may it would be the performance for the graduation ceremony.. So weird to perform when you are graduating..
then 22nd and 23rd will be for the changi naval base event, as game master.$110 for both days
This friday as well, the telemarketing job interview which most likely im able to clinched !! :> serweet!
guess i will be some dope telemarketer clinching insurance deals plus the commission and pay rate is not bad! hehe my boss is 24 years old ._. and shes damn flexible haha

and this online work from home job that earns up to 3000 dollars, which i just saw under the classifieds.
now i know why reading the newspapers are so important. shall start caltivating that habit! (:

and then june i will be flying off to NYC (: thats just too exciting.

however july and august..
probably start on the driving license thing.

so by the end of may i will get about ++ dollars plus HAHA!.. alright at least the money comes in?

everything is part time though

starting work now means starting work forever. i will lose that motivation real soon.
so i will give myself another 3 more years of liberation and work my arse off in uni, in order to make the wait worth while.

for now, part time jobs please !

i know the world doesnt revolves around yew and me and reality will keep that distance between us and friends, but let's find that balance and work towards together, let time decide.

but i will manage my time well

everything is just falling into place right now.. (:

i can feel that the right kind of leycia is back on track.

absence

maybe you didn know.. but last night was probably one of the best call nights we used to have (:

its been a long time since you called me first or took the initiative, be it short or long, it means alot to me. thanks baby

because when you call me, i know you miss me, and because its at night, i know im the last person you think of and misses before you go to sleep..because the whole day i didn manage to get through to you cause i was at the chalet, i figured the workload was really exhausting for you either. But you still called.


i dont need anything, i just need simple gestures and calls like this. you say you are changing, i hope you really like the metamorphosis because it would mean nothing if you dont feel the same way too.

C for that Caffeine

Its been pretty long ever since i felt like this, sleeping till dawn breaks and just wake up heavy headed, but one thing probably never change. The comfort i seek from that cup of black bitter coffee, i taste the notes of sweetness and freshness of cold hard morning just telling myself reality awaits but it can just wait till im finish with the last bit of my daily intake.

Ive been feeling the need for something, like how a habit gets cultivated within 26 days, but ive stop drinking caffeine ever since i was back from taiwan and along with many other things that i felt my emotions are going to break so many habits . That would be able to be equivalent on the amount of china crashing from your shelves. I can hear them screaming at the back of my head.

I dont feel the same anymore. For many things. I know its bleak and vague like lines marred and my thoughts just keep swirling like how ammonium reacts, how chemical reacts to produce bizarre colours. I feel so helpless when these thoughts surface. I just wanna fight for something the same way i wished someone would fight for me. But there just wasnt any model for me to replicate. Every corner sometimes can be a deadend when i look into eyes. So vulnerable and fragile but i wished that there were a saviour and not just someone who tries to be one.

i just wanna feel different from you, him. her. but everyone is just being someone else nowadays.

i dont feel you and your initiative anymore.