Its November.

 I have this fucking urge to write this and pen it down so i came back here after a very long time.Yes A fucking long one.

 I remembered recalling feeling happy and surreal for the past few months even though it wasn't all perfect. I mean what is? Especially if you are here in this reality trying to understand every single shit happening around you.

But the truth is I was lying to myself. I quit my full time job because i knew what i wanted was to pursue fashion.Not some settling job that i clocked in and come out of the place like i went through a tormental mental warzone. I believe there's a reason why i even bothered to even sign up to Conde Nast College in the very first place. Nobody says no to Vogue and yes, fucking yes. Vogue is not gonna knock on my door twice. So i decided to bite the bullet and head to London this coming 2014. I had my interview with Vogue when i was on my trip to KL, did some 800 words essay critqueing on Louis Vuitton 2013 AW Fall Campaign, Steven Miesel and probably wrote a shit load about Giselle Bundchen. Fashion Bullocks and got my one way ticket. I honestly felt i was Charlie heading to Willy Wonker's Factory just that i was paying tribute to my Fashion Bible. That's about it.

Sure, the fees were pressurizing. So pressurizing now i am working double jobs. One where i say hello and goodbye to dawn twice without my precious slumber. I felt numb. In the midst of all this, i had a relationship. I thought maybe that was a golden glimmer but no it wasn't. I loved him though. I was half the time losing myself once again. I got angry and sometimes tears won't stop flowing because i couldn't control my anger. It killed us. And I remembered promising to myself that i will never make the same mistake twice again. So if anyone even read this, we broke up yesterday. It wasn't a break up, it was a break and it broke me. We pressed the stop button and rewind the whole 7 months to a fresh new page of paper. Basically, I am standing now in square one. We are friends.After all the sex, talks, hate, love, tears, we are friends. I don't know how to comprehend that but my love for him yesterday isn't the same anymore as of now that i am typing this. It sort of disappeared and i just wanted to move on and protect myself. He wants to build it up, I just dont know what to believe in anymore.

Despite that, I only know there's one thing that will always be constant. Its change. Never lose yourself for anything. That's what i have learned after all these years. You lose yourself to lose your worth and then never really did realised that you deserve so much better from what you settled for because you fear to lose the other person.

To be honest, I am afraid of London. I am afraid of living alone and it will be like this for three months 15 weeks. At the same time, im fucking psyched to head there right now. I want that three months to be the best time of my life ALONE. I had enough of satisfying anyone else. This time im doing this for me.Learning to love yourself has been the hardest thing to learn for me. I never did knew how to measure my worth.

I am going to try. If you are in one situation where you always compromise and gets nothing in return, i suggest you should walk away from it .Its unhealthy and gets you nowhere.

Wish December would be so much better.I honestly hope that choosing this path was the right decision. Not gonna know it until i give my best.


Till then, I will shift this place to a new blog. One where i will document everything i will be going through once i am officially +44 :)


Looking forward to that. 

i trust no one in this world. cause everyone in this world is selfish. devour yourself or be devoured by others.

strangely familiar

Blair: "i would do anything for you chuck, what if that's wrong?"
"i never thought it was possible to love someone too much but maybe it is..
i dont like who i've become with you"

this is the end...chuck.

(:

my man

i love yew

if possible, this is how long i want it for us.
but who's to say it will last?

寂寞寂寞就好

this is how i feel when i give this piece of advice :" you should give time, time.." but whenever it happens to me,i never ever heed my own advices though :/

love this song (: it says everything.

2010-2011

upcoming events, need to stay organised (: phew so much going on so i need to stay focus and work hard, dance hard as well..

Fb production- watching at 17 and 18 december
sunshine's 21st -18 december Preppy theme
Cousin's wedding 24th-25th December
RUDOLFUCKYEAH- 25th december
Vetting for Danzation- 26th December
Audition for Choreographer's for Gems audition - 30th december ( anger hiphop- *BIG headache*)
On the same day 30th december : countdown performance : eve's recital item scape
Sophia's 21st- 2 jan Masquerade theme
School reopens - 5th Jan ( 4 modules TO conquer)
Danzation Production - dancing 7th &8th january
Yew's P.O.P date on 8th Jan
Trainings for SDD- every saturday from now onwards
SDD- February http://www.dancedelight.sg/ 59 more days..
Semester ends 25th march
EXAMS
GEMS 6- in April

i know. i know. what your thinking at e back of your head, juggling school, dance all at the same time, my health is going to go down again.

time to stock up on the vitamins. next sem is no joke with commercial law, prices and markets, bus stats and mgt acc will drive me crazy.

better buck up leycia. you dont have much time.
so MANY EVENTS CLASH. :(

happened to read up on this HAHAHAH

"Many women push themselves too hard to do something that can wait until another day. They seem to get into situations that created more stress than could really be handled, placing unnecessary physical and emotional strains on themselves as well as others.

Why do we do these things? We either fail to realise or don’t want to believe that it is physically impossible for us to accomplish everything we task ourselves (or have been tasked) with. To stay mentally and physically healthy, we need to learn how to better manage our time. It has been said that the best way to manage your time is to prioritise and delegate."

HAHA fcuk man so true. i have fallen into the superwoman's trap. :/

off for a tann and swim with my bestie samm <3>

SUPERWOMAN NEEDS A BREAK TOO!✈

Faith is spelt with you and me

im with a simple guy but im a complicated minded girl. but i want to be contented, i want you to be happy too. i want to work towards my goals, i wanna work towards our goals too. I just want what's best for you,what's best for us.. so from now on, we are going to be strong cause despite everything against you and me, i still believe in us.

thinking back, ive got all that i wanted before i started out in this route, i had nothing, i wasnt a dancer, i found someone i love who loves to dance, i found many friends, involve myself in competitions , performances and productions and found a goal to work on.

most importantly, i found my passion. some people come around, and they dont find it, but i did.

wanna be BFAB. cause you give respect to the boombox thats given birth to you. (:

thankful. blessed and happy. 2010 thank you!

DIG this video and song alot. (:

well the thing is, my faith says its time i come out of my shell and kill this social stigma thats been going around for way too long in dance.. cause its time, i do something about it already. gonna prove that i can, and i can do this. must STOP. feeling. insecure.

Gonna bring this piece to the stage. dedicate it. must kill it at audition. nuff said.

SDD, GEMS CONCERT, DANZATION. SEM 2 HERE I COME.

till april, i hope i survive. i hope i dont collapse.
busy like a bumblebee but i still need my honey :D