i have alot inside i know i have been dying to say. Its been kept in there for a really long time ever since september till now. I just couldn tell it to anyone, because i felt that no one would understand, i felt that no one was able to sit down for one second, put down their cell phone, not think about anything else and just fucking focus at what i was saying, look me in the eye and just pay attention to every single bit of it. I just couldn find a companion the way i wanted my companion to be my composure. No one else comes close to how i used to feel about voicing out , now i cant tell to anyone at all.
this is how i feel: im going to pour it out once and for all now. i cant take it any longer. sometimes, it boils down to a point, i dont wanna say it because i know every "someone" out there i meet is fighting their own battle. i can never grab hold of their one dimension and sublime my bubble of troubles with theirs. i cant seek refuge in another's trouble bubble by not bursting it.
ever since university started, i felt that there was no one there to ever listen to how i feel. i just went to school, study, the way regimented has its own methods of getting up my sleeves, i felt boring, i felt like i am not doing what i like at all. This may be the last phase, but i believe that i hated the environment. I hated the people around me. i cant believe im saying this, but its true. Dont get me wrong, they are not mean people, i just felt, it was superficial bonding, people i know my questions i would asked will be on the surface, i will never be able to let them in or tell them how i truly feel because sometimes, the casual sarcasm jokes voiced across when a serious issue is mentioned, just got brushed off like that. its not that ive never tried, saying how i truly feel nowadays just doesnt WORK anymore. i keep EVERY single thing to myself. i dont even believe in telling them to my best friends.
Much less my dance friends, much less telling it to yew. The relationship is just one sided now. sometimes i get really tired. i know you dont take me for granted, i know i did mention i dnt get tired of travelling, because we dont have a choice. The only way for me to meet you is for me to travel all the way to bukit panjang to find you. The truth is, im really tired. I miss the time where you would come and find me, where we would hang out other places other than your house, i miss having dinner with you, i miss watching a movie, being able to hang out late on a sunday and never have you to book in, what i miss most is your INITIATIVE. its gone. This relationship, honestly is starting to become a burden to me. You asked me if its what i said was the truth the previous time, it was. i lied sorry. Im getting tired. I dont know why i cant tell you my problems now cause i know your weary, it becomes that i just listen to your field camp, i just sit and listen to your tired ness what you go through, it became all about you.
when was the last time, you sat down and hear about me? about how i feel, cause the last time i said something, you could only say sorry and tell me you feel guilty and ask me to stop saying. I cant tell you anything anymore. much less to audd or sy. because i know they are busy with their work. They have their troubles too. Then i see alot of my friends who have what they have now, but dont cherish and take it for granted, spoilt, and treat like whatever thats given to them is byright fair and comes easy and of not a big deal.
it fucking aint. I dont know why im so cooped up. I just cant find anyone else to talk about my troubles anymore. Even if i have, i just cant. i realised i have been fencing myself very deep in ever since yew enlisted, ever since my bestfriends started working and ever since uni begin for me. there, ive spit it out.
i dont believe im the same leycia anymore. there were many days, i cried myself to sleep and when i needed you to be there, you cant, and you will never appear, but when you needed comfort and when you need me the most, i will be there, because thats how this relationship survive, a flower surviving on a gardener's responsibility to water it. But the flower never ever wondered if the gardener is getting weary of doing so.
i just want someone to talk to, sit down and for once know whats really going on in my life. Especially this gastric incident, it just showed me who really cared, and who didnt. everyone is just so fucking selfish nowadays, the disappointment is not surprising anymore to take.
if one day, someone takes my hand, sits beside me and look me in the eye and tells me that :" i will be here to listen, or i will be here silent, you just have to let it all out"..i bet i wont know how to response, because there were too many fences build to fence myself in from such a person. he/she doesnt exist anymore.
this is how i feel: im going to pour it out once and for all now. i cant take it any longer. sometimes, it boils down to a point, i dont wanna say it because i know every "someone" out there i meet is fighting their own battle. i can never grab hold of their one dimension and sublime my bubble of troubles with theirs. i cant seek refuge in another's trouble bubble by not bursting it.
ever since university started, i felt that there was no one there to ever listen to how i feel. i just went to school, study, the way regimented has its own methods of getting up my sleeves, i felt boring, i felt like i am not doing what i like at all. This may be the last phase, but i believe that i hated the environment. I hated the people around me. i cant believe im saying this, but its true. Dont get me wrong, they are not mean people, i just felt, it was superficial bonding, people i know my questions i would asked will be on the surface, i will never be able to let them in or tell them how i truly feel because sometimes, the casual sarcasm jokes voiced across when a serious issue is mentioned, just got brushed off like that. its not that ive never tried, saying how i truly feel nowadays just doesnt WORK anymore. i keep EVERY single thing to myself. i dont even believe in telling them to my best friends.
Much less my dance friends, much less telling it to yew. The relationship is just one sided now. sometimes i get really tired. i know you dont take me for granted, i know i did mention i dnt get tired of travelling, because we dont have a choice. The only way for me to meet you is for me to travel all the way to bukit panjang to find you. The truth is, im really tired. I miss the time where you would come and find me, where we would hang out other places other than your house, i miss having dinner with you, i miss watching a movie, being able to hang out late on a sunday and never have you to book in, what i miss most is your INITIATIVE. its gone. This relationship, honestly is starting to become a burden to me. You asked me if its what i said was the truth the previous time, it was. i lied sorry. Im getting tired. I dont know why i cant tell you my problems now cause i know your weary, it becomes that i just listen to your field camp, i just sit and listen to your tired ness what you go through, it became all about you.
when was the last time, you sat down and hear about me? about how i feel, cause the last time i said something, you could only say sorry and tell me you feel guilty and ask me to stop saying. I cant tell you anything anymore. much less to audd or sy. because i know they are busy with their work. They have their troubles too. Then i see alot of my friends who have what they have now, but dont cherish and take it for granted, spoilt, and treat like whatever thats given to them is byright fair and comes easy and of not a big deal.
it fucking aint. I dont know why im so cooped up. I just cant find anyone else to talk about my troubles anymore. Even if i have, i just cant. i realised i have been fencing myself very deep in ever since yew enlisted, ever since my bestfriends started working and ever since uni begin for me. there, ive spit it out.
i dont believe im the same leycia anymore. there were many days, i cried myself to sleep and when i needed you to be there, you cant, and you will never appear, but when you needed comfort and when you need me the most, i will be there, because thats how this relationship survive, a flower surviving on a gardener's responsibility to water it. But the flower never ever wondered if the gardener is getting weary of doing so.
i just want someone to talk to, sit down and for once know whats really going on in my life. Especially this gastric incident, it just showed me who really cared, and who didnt. everyone is just so fucking selfish nowadays, the disappointment is not surprising anymore to take.
if one day, someone takes my hand, sits beside me and look me in the eye and tells me that :" i will be here to listen, or i will be here silent, you just have to let it all out"..i bet i wont know how to response, because there were too many fences build to fence myself in from such a person. he/she doesnt exist anymore.
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