40th Message
My life has been short but I have already learned quite a bit about love... Not through personal experience, but more through seeing others I know love. Some love and lose, some lose someone they might have loved and luckily some love each other forever. I think about that one or many loves constantly, always hoping I don't miss my chance. My fear of never finding that love has made me create an unattainable goal in my head: find the perfect guy you will find the perfect relationship and you will get the perfect life. That whole scenario is what I've been looking for.
But I have realized That kind of perfectness does not exist in a person. It exists in a connection, a relationship. That is what love is. Love is that person who isn't necessarily perfect, but it's perfect for you.
They say real love comes when you aren't searching for it. I used to think that it was absurd to say that because mostly everyone is searching for love; and many do find it. But of all those people I know, who I've watched love, though it may not have lasted forever, I've realized one thing. They all loved. There isn't a person I know who could end their life saying they haven't loved. The moment I realized that was the moment I stopped searching. I stopped searching for that perfect guy, for that perfect relationship, for that perfect life.
I've never been in love. But I am waiting for it. No longer searching. Waiting..
And you, you made me realised i love every imperfection about you.
The way i look at you and you look at me, our eye contacts that you shun away from and then catches it back, our :" what?!" at the same time cause we realised it was an awkward silence but laugh amusingly at ourselves,the way you cut my food into smaller pieces making it easier for me to eat, the way your hand fits mine, the way you stroke my thumb made me felt loved. The way you put your arms around me and listen to the songs during our bus trip makes me feel like time came to a standstill at that very second. That nothing could go wrong, when you are near me. The way your mind is processing a thousand and one things and not saying it to me, but i will look sheepishly at you knowing that you are thinking about us, about your plans for us. The way you had no idea how to bid goodbye to me, but missed me the moment i'm gone makes me love you every day a little more. Everyone wants us to take it slow, to me, my heart beats faster. But, i know we are going to be together. My silly boy, you have so much commitments on hand, but i want you to know, i'm waiting for you. This sunday, you can do it alright! Feel the music and you will be on the top of the world for a whole 3 minutes plus, and i will be offstage cheering for you silently when everyone screams your name. I love you.
The way i look at you and you look at me, our eye contacts that you shun away from and then catches it back, our :" what?!" at the same time cause we realised it was an awkward silence but laugh amusingly at ourselves,the way you cut my food into smaller pieces making it easier for me to eat, the way your hand fits mine, the way you stroke my thumb made me felt loved. The way you put your arms around me and listen to the songs during our bus trip makes me feel like time came to a standstill at that very second. That nothing could go wrong, when you are near me. The way your mind is processing a thousand and one things and not saying it to me, but i will look sheepishly at you knowing that you are thinking about us, about your plans for us. The way you had no idea how to bid goodbye to me, but missed me the moment i'm gone makes me love you every day a little more. Everyone wants us to take it slow, to me, my heart beats faster. But, i know we are going to be together. My silly boy, you have so much commitments on hand, but i want you to know, i'm waiting for you. This sunday, you can do it alright! Feel the music and you will be on the top of the world for a whole 3 minutes plus, and i will be offstage cheering for you silently when everyone screams your name. I love you.
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