Feeling rather lost for a moment. What's the next step? Why can't i listen and feel. Very deprived of inspiration, including garnering that motivation. Where has it gone to? Oh where for art thou.
Seems so impossible all of a sudden to reach what i want. Sometimes you can have it at the moment, but multiple factors manipulates a "push and pull" relationship that you can't falter or let go of. One word, "understanding".
Empathise and actually understand the reasons for absence. I mean i've been through it. The lack of sleep, the need to be at two places at one time, the inability to concentrate because at the back of your mind something, somewhat needs you to be there but you cant be. The lost of strength to explain, when all else doubts you. The accusations, misunderstandings. That was the GEMS period. The period when everything came crushing down, but i did it. Impossibly on my own. I still remember every single detail, every single person, every encouragement, every second before i went on stage and every single cell in me that wanted to be stubborn and just go against all odds for it. The risk of losing my education possibly because it's really inexplicable here. The lost of a loved one, including rushing for a supplementary paper. Holding on to the threads that hang loosely on the verge of breaking for both worlds. Reality vs what i truly want that's like fiction.
The period where i broke down for the very first time in front of my two best friends that have never seen me cry like this outside in front of the public. Cabbing down every single time, changing in the taxi possibly and tying the shoelaces crying because its helpless. The repulsion of food because fatigue sets in. Remembering steps as if i have never done it so fast before. Trying very hard, really hard to catch up with the rest in order to not pull myself down and be a disappointment.
I remembered every single detail of it. Every tear i shed at night to sleep. The seconds and tapping of the calculator ensuring that my answers on the accounting sheet was gonna see me through the next semester and so that i can make it on stage at ease. Every phonecall i made, even to my mum. Helpless? i guess. If ive been through that, what is now. I am sure i can do it. But this time, the tables are turn. It's not about me anymore. It's about a team. I guess the strength of having 7 is so much more overwhelming. I need to start thinking for others. To sacrifice myself for a bit of something that everyone wants. To be the bigger person. To ensure that we can do this despite all the obstacles we are facing. Trust. I am sure we have it. It's reality.
Liting be strong. You can do this. For everyone, for everyone else except for yourself for this once. Then you can safely say, this last wish is the best takeaway.
Seems so impossible all of a sudden to reach what i want. Sometimes you can have it at the moment, but multiple factors manipulates a "push and pull" relationship that you can't falter or let go of. One word, "understanding".
Empathise and actually understand the reasons for absence. I mean i've been through it. The lack of sleep, the need to be at two places at one time, the inability to concentrate because at the back of your mind something, somewhat needs you to be there but you cant be. The lost of strength to explain, when all else doubts you. The accusations, misunderstandings. That was the GEMS period. The period when everything came crushing down, but i did it. Impossibly on my own. I still remember every single detail, every single person, every encouragement, every second before i went on stage and every single cell in me that wanted to be stubborn and just go against all odds for it. The risk of losing my education possibly because it's really inexplicable here. The lost of a loved one, including rushing for a supplementary paper. Holding on to the threads that hang loosely on the verge of breaking for both worlds. Reality vs what i truly want that's like fiction.
The period where i broke down for the very first time in front of my two best friends that have never seen me cry like this outside in front of the public. Cabbing down every single time, changing in the taxi possibly and tying the shoelaces crying because its helpless. The repulsion of food because fatigue sets in. Remembering steps as if i have never done it so fast before. Trying very hard, really hard to catch up with the rest in order to not pull myself down and be a disappointment.
I remembered every single detail of it. Every tear i shed at night to sleep. The seconds and tapping of the calculator ensuring that my answers on the accounting sheet was gonna see me through the next semester and so that i can make it on stage at ease. Every phonecall i made, even to my mum. Helpless? i guess. If ive been through that, what is now. I am sure i can do it. But this time, the tables are turn. It's not about me anymore. It's about a team. I guess the strength of having 7 is so much more overwhelming. I need to start thinking for others. To sacrifice myself for a bit of something that everyone wants. To be the bigger person. To ensure that we can do this despite all the obstacles we are facing. Trust. I am sure we have it. It's reality.
Liting be strong. You can do this. For everyone, for everyone else except for yourself for this once. Then you can safely say, this last wish is the best takeaway.
No comments:
Post a Comment