Made me luff like mad i swear (: LOL " shui mu zai check it out" HAHAHHAS 2:07

Guigui \m/

ok this is how i spent my last 5:09 mins before 2009 LOL

I remembered a few days back, i missed the bus stop at my house and i landed all the way at the airport terminal just because i was thinking of a conversation i had with Sy.Yes girl, i was thinking of what we said after we met up at pw.

Sy:" Ting, you know every time i see your pictures on your blog, its like i can feel that you are not happy at all..There's only one picture 2 years back that i felt you were really happy then."

Sy:" Sometimes when i talk to you, i can feel that there's this soft spot in you that you are resisting to let go, to depend on others.No matter how strong you are, i can still see that softness inside"

Sy:"And you should stop running already, it gets pretty hard to catch up with you, most likely all of them will be panting by now"

I believe your intention of telling me this is that i shouldn handle everything by myself yes?

I believe when you experience more, you tend to change so fast you don't even realise it. I like to reflect with you sy because i know you understand me inside out. Certain blind spot i can't see, you will tell me about it so i can be a better person. I missed that bus stop for good, giving me ample time to think if i should really stop running and look back at those who've been trying to keep up all this time. Thanks sy, i know you will be always here for me, sometimes i don't even realize who's not chasing behind me after a while neglecting the fact that it gets pretty tiring to be my friend that they've given up running.

I'm so selfish. Sorry.

last night, i dreamt again. This time, it was nothing grotesque or horrific.
I dreamt that i was playing on a grand piano at this really outdoor large auditorium with a spotlight shining down on me and i was wearing a black flowy gown that leads the way to the red carpet.Then i saw the faces of those that given up to be my friend sitting there being my audience.

afterwhich i remembered one smiled at me then i woke up.
smile to me again k. I really wished we could go back to how it was but i know we can't. I can't make up for it.

Decision
______

Father Father, recently i feel tired. There's this calm surreal blur that is blinding me from searching and seeking the things i want. I'm tired of initiating, and sick of asking. So let me listen, and observe. For those who will always be there for you will surface not when the problem arises but when they know when you need them the most.

Just lately, i can't confide anymore. I don't feel the need to.So if you ask me what's going on, i will just tell you:" Life what's going on. Don't bother questioning"

I'm tired and exhausted, i have a splitting headache from two consecutive days dealing with sarcasms, hypocrites, and SERVICE.I got into OGL, signed the contract. Idk what i was thinking giving up the other company for this. But one thing for sure i know this company will change everything so i signed the contract for my internship.

4 months of no dance, no life,no meet-ups. If you are close to me, you know we will never drift no matter how much i've changed, if you just take the initiative.I will probably suffer from the wrath of fatigue since working hours are 9.30 am to " anytime". If you actually understand the hidden meaning to that sentence. I'm so sick of everything around me that is why i made the 4 months decision.No dance to see how i was when i had no dance in my life. I foresee another huge change in me.

I don't need that "softness" in me to evolve. It's labelled and sealed with a word "extinct". SY, i hope you understand. This is really how i am. I'm sorry, it's getting hard for me to break down like a baby and cry in front of you.

sometimes i want to take a risk, change my life and see how things go, but i'm afraid, afraid that at the end, it leads to nothing. I need to understand certain things before i make a decision i've wanted to make a long time ago. 4 months should be more than enough time.

Peyton: ok, I am not arguing with you!
Peyton's subconscience: Oh, come on, Peyton that's what we do, OK? We have these inner conversations daily! Am I gonna look stupid? Am I pretty enough? Did Jake just want to get in my pants? Should Lucas be with me, instead of Brooke?
Peyton: No, OK you're wrong. Lucas and I are just friends and Jake loved me.
Peyton's subconscience: Whatever you say, cheerleader... whine, whine, mope, mope, always the victim! My mom died, Jake left, Ellie lied! Boo hoo.
Peyton: You really are a bitch, you know that?
Peyton's subconscience: I'm not the one who sent Ellie away. People always leave or Peyton always drives them away

after 4 months, i know i will change. Bear with me.

or

don't
.

.

.

afterall

"Confessions are raw when it's at its best."

3000 have confessed and bravely trusted a stranger to his project,Postsecret. I think it's beautiful so i'm going to share with you what they wrote.

This is mine, the cover of a notebook to everything that i'm going to put my confessions in.the date starts 28 dec 2008.

Ok whats the buzz??? (: urhm..set this place on private for certain reasons. Maintenance or reconstruction or trying to settle with some thoughts..idk..still let me do the updates (:

_____________________________________________


メリクリマス！！！
エト。。。

ごめい..

I know its a lil late but still hahas (: Happy Belated Merry X'mas!

This year's x'mas for me was alright i guess? But i had fun.I really did.Especially knowing that i would have never guessed i would meet people like Estee and Jesscy this year to celebrate this x'mas. Life's so unpredictable sometimes huh?I guess when you give up certain things, you will gain others on the way. Oh i watched so many moovies i swear :/ 4 in a week. That's like crazay. But i love all of them. (: Meeting up with sy and auddball was the best. Frolic MangoYoghurt with clods cookie crumbs is dope! Estee i must bring you there! Its MAANNGO~ (:

I made three wishes these year. Fufilled or not, i will work for them.

I can't remember what else to update but i know today's Modern Technic training was awesome.How you can float like a bubble and melt with your emotions with control yet so subtle and silent is amazing.I love jazz and i know not everyone appreciates it. But it's alright, to be able to appreciate something ain't easy i'm glad i appreciate dance. I appreciate how much i love it, how much effort i wanna put in.So with this appreciation, i will not give up. Every Friday is now officially, auddball sy meet up day. I love you girls. I will be there for the both of you till i grow old and my feet smell like fungus :/

ewwwww or awwwwwww
you pick ! (:

Btw i got my phone line back, i need to kick my absent minded bad habit off.It's "tragic" ( Fion i miss you 2 (:).Sorry to those who send me x'mas greetings but i didn reply that's just cause i made a stupid silly mistake and you don't wanna know.

Jesscy, 你的眼睛很会电人！

Liting feels really suckay now because i was suppose to be at JAPAN. Fukuoka.Get it?Kyushuu damn it. I'm suppose to be at the suburb doing that hotspring thing NOW,eating al the ramen in the nihon universe. What am i doing now? PROJECTS .

Before S.I.P i will fly. I DON GIVE A DAMN about any motherchucker assignment that tries to stop me..

Before i go Alson got me to do this (:

Directions: Once you’ve been tagged, you have to write a note with 16 random things, facts, habits, or goals about you. At the end, choose 16 people to be tagged, listing their names and why you chose them.

1.) I want to be a dancer, choreographer

2.)I love to sing, but its an overwhelming fear that only some understands

3) I have a terrible case of absent mindedness and i'm a klutz, i know it.

4.) I love rainy days only when i'm indoors feeling nostalgic and lazy.There must be twilight to accompany me.

5.) I love to watch guys pop. I think its sexy.

6.)I am a black belt for taekwondoe

7.) I love to play the piano at 2 am on silent pedal, it keeps me calm and gets me back to sleep when i have insomia.

8.) I think i hate boys.

9.)I laughed a whole commercial and fell off the bed shortly after.

10.) Recently, i feel insecure and lost, confuse and yeah the whole shit list can continue..

11.) I wan to grow to a height of 165

12.)I love eyecandies with hawt back

13.) I don't watch out for cars when i cross the roads.I wonder how come i am still alive.
14) I like to blast my earphones so that i won't have to hear what others are saying especially when i'm angry, i will keep very quiet. I don't retaliate.
15) I love Audrey Ong Li juan and Liu Shiyun.They changed my life.

16.) I think Jay chou's next album should be called " Jay-walk" since he's gay enough already.

16 people, if you think its you do it (: hahas

BYE

been watching alot of dance vid lately, check my favourites out (:

i think vougueing and punking is back...smack! i wanna learn to vougue and punk (: It goes ultra dope with wack can zzzzz

>:/

I believe something in me is worth for something great out there, so i will keep searching. Keeping that faith because i only have this lifetime to search for it. I 'd rather search for it then not searching at all. Second chances should exist. So just let me find you, whatever,whoever you are. Something so fathomable that can last for more than just a lifetime. (: I want to see snow..it makes everything alright. :/ I want to see street dancers who just dance like no one's watching, like there's no competition just free styling like how dance should be.

Interview at OGL today. Two choices, Gallery hotel or OGL. Come on, time to make a choice.

I postponed my Jap inter 4 again :/ PROCRASTINATING IS BAD. I know tsk but i want to make sure this time i get distinction. The cert very important can -.- K all i can say is bankyoo shinakereba naranaindesu!

DANZATION TMROW (:
then Dance camp on the 20th and 21st

am i happy or what.

Frankly speaking, i am tired and i just wanna be around my bestfriends, people who understand me for years. Yeah, it was great talking to you again. I'm sure we'r gonna clear things up here and there but you will always be my bestest bud ever. Derrick Ng Jing Han.

yeah and hell yes, i miss talking >:/

Bye heh ! (:

Sometimes i wonder if anything's absolute anymore. Is there still right and wrong? Good and bad? Truth and lies? Or is everything negotiable,left to interpretation, grey. Sometimes we're forced to bend the truth, transform it, cause we're faced with things that are not of our own making. And sometimes things simply catch up to us.

There comes a time when every life goes off course. In this desperate moment you must choose your direction. Will you fight to stay on the path while others tell you who you are? Or will you label yourself? Will you be honored by your choice? Or will you embrace your new path? Each morning you choose to move forward or to simply give up?

You ever look a picture of yourself, and see a stranger in the background?. It makes you wonder how many strangers have pictures of you. How many moments of other peoples life have we been in. Were we a part of someone's life when their dream came true or were we there when their dream died. Did we keep trying to get in? As if we were somehow destined to be there or did the shot take us by surprise. Just think, you could be a big part of someone elses life, and not even know it.


But once in a while people push on to something better. Something found just beyond the pain of going it alone and just beyond the bravery and courage it takes to let someone in. Or to give someone a second chance. Something beyond the quite persistence of a dream.

There are moments in our lives when we find ourselves at a crossroad, afraid, confused, without a roadmap. The choices we make in those moments can define the rest of our days. Of course when faced with the unknown, most of us prefer to turn around and go back.

---

I am draining.

I love how simple things in life teaches you a memorable lesson.

I met this cat not long ago, stray, white breasted like a furball. Carved on its forehead is an initial "M"
Adorable, you'd say as it flirtatiously cuddle its anatomy around my lap and placed its paw on my hands.

Then comes another unwelcome visitor, with food and shelter and there it goes cuddling another stranger.

"Astonish" would be the last word in my dictionary to describe that encounter.

"People always leave"
So i'm not surprised even a stray cat knows nothing's permanent.

After FB's concert yesterday, i was so sleepy i went to bed, tossed and turned and i'm still not asleep. I couldn. I wonder why even though i was so tired after going for dance lessons before i went for concert. So being me, i went down to the swimming pool area where they had a glass door, dimmed the lights near the mirror and plugged in. I danced from 2 am till 3 just repeating to this song. Trying to train myself to amplify my movements, stretches, jazz hands and my emotions. Most importantly, my emotions.I wasn thinking of anything, i was dancing. For the first time, i sat there with my sweat beats rolling down my cheeks and neck. I felt so good, i felt so me.

I think i'm gonna do it again soon. Not to turn in, to find the reason why i love to dance so much.
I felt so good, back to studio yesterday. Street jazz and Candy's hiphop is my kind of style. I 'm going back soon. I really felt like i am losing touch after 2 weeks of not dancing, but now, i can't wait to go down and dance. Don't disturb me at 2 am. Because it's the "me" time.

I see the fine line of difference between modern and hiphop. Technically, i love the pain modern brings me and i love the beats to hit when i'm at hiphop. So just let me be with the best of both world.

i absolutely love her wack and her groove. Reminds me of Adrian's choreo intro

So i caught the best movies ever this week. (; You know those that leave you day dreaming about the possibilities you can have. Awesome. Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist was the weirdest movie ever. I got cheated by my besties into thinking that it was a horror flick. wow. Its nowhere near that. Both movie involves a lot of conversations, meaningful and those that set you thinking. So yes, i love them so much i'm gonna get the dvds. Oh and if there's one thing i need right now, a vampire boyfriend. EDWARD CULLEN you f-ing hawtness.F-ing HAWT TSSSSSSSS k :/ too perfect to even land on this world, come suck my blood and share the venom. Tyvm I want topaz contacts! YEAH. No actually i'm getting the turquoise one. Since coloured contacts are meant to be fake, i should amplify that effect. Way before that you should know, i totally didn screwed up my a/cs paper. Like twaks shitloads of people was thiniking that i would have screwed it up but hell no. >:/ But i did screwed up my pt1 for ssm. Whurtever. I don't really bother about the slightest sarcastic remark that gets into me, whereas i'm really disturbed by the fact that the tourism industry produce mechanically inclined fcked up fakers to be role models.

Oh and shiting made the funniest comment ever :

" so am i suppose to go up to the table and ask them :" sir can i crumb for you?"

Ok there's this ritual that you have to take a semolina and sideplate to clear the crumbs for your guest, but it's awkward to ask the question and just get going.

But i seriously heard this instead :

" so am i suppose to go up to the table and ask them: sir can i krump for you?"

LOL

Sorry Shi ting, i'm in a dance daze mood. (: Dance camp had better come.. The motivation is fading off every day like as if my blood is draining off. Passion in the blood makes it bad.But watching aint so bad. FB production tonight should be good.I seriously wanna watch the NUT CRACKER BALLET. DAMN it had to be on the 19th NRA's too.

I am gonna intern at the gallery hotel. I so wanna intern there. Monday's interview had better be smooth sailing if not Japan i'm coming to eat you.

Ok i'm losing my will to blog. Before i go, take care of yourself in aussie, mate! You promise the bubble yum gums and bring back trolleys of photos. Till then Bon voyage. <3> BYE. (:

That's all that i really liked (: More? credits from here

I 'm bringing the bangs Back. My hair is so black, there isn even a trace of brown (: HA I LIKE. Idc if you think i look like one of the sisters from wishing stairs or sadaku >:/ i'm out to freak you out HAHA k bye.

Pulling daisies (: