Just had this talk with smiling hero and i realised that indeed in the year of 2009, ive been through alot. Ive seen alot, the ugly, the beautiful and alluring sides to many things, the little hardwork and efforts in team work, suddenly all my hopes were dashed, then i picked the pieces up again and start to lead a double life. I remembered vividly saying this to someone, if only there was leycia A and leycia B, then i could fully mobilise leycia B to lead my second life that i have been struggling to maintain. Not everyone whom you actually talk about your responsibilities and the weight you shoulders can fully understand what you are going through. The pressure has been escalating, i can safely and officially say that i have never ever truly rest my mind in this year. From Gems, to the fateful departure, to my disastrous internship but somehow changed my perspectives to alot of stuff, to trainings for suntec dance comp, to the start of this semester, to 11 projects, to a 25 page report, to flying solo, to shing's departure,to see that words always fall on deaf ears, to see people fail you, and you are left hopeless but to piece every little single detail together, to stay in the library till 8 plus in school just to search for the information you need that others cant give you, or rather there is little enlightenment to anything, to sacrificing dance, to giving up on explaining of missing out on outings, to have to reject meeting of best friends, and to something else that will hit the restart button in a few more months to come in my life. The year 2009 has simply not been wonderful in any ways to me, but im thankful to it, im thankful that it has taught to me see many things clearer. I know what i want at times, but ive learn to prioritise because i know this year, i have huge responsibilities, I cant simply throw and chuck them away as and when i like and cause others to suffer. But at the end of the day, i realise im the one suffering the exhaustion. I guess its human nature, its either person A sacrifices and Person B gets away with the freedom or vice versa. One thing that i guess i have learn to tolerate is empty promises. I ve realised that at the end of the day, you have only yourself to blame and when empty promises are like " words that spoke louder than actions", you come to your senses and decides to shut all doors and get the job done by yourself.
In the year 2009, i have learn alot, i have learn to depend on myself, but ive lost my trust to alot of those who betrayed their words and they dont even know it. I guess its going to take some time to heal. The tough will always get going.. I know somehow, somewhere deep within me, there's something different and i will prove it. Sometimes, trying to be inside another person's world, just by the mentioning of this sentence feels so fragile and futile.
the truth is you can never be in another person's world or life..
you can only be there for that person.
