D for drug

its funny how you know.. people try to take advantage of you but still think that you are an easy push over all the time. Sometimes i feel like they can really get away with it, when im soft hearted but the thing is, im no push over. and this time, im affirmative that you have gotten yourself into deep waters. Even i cant save you anymore because i realised i'm actually done trying to be the nice person, done trying to piece the things up together. Especially at this period, i realise that i cant afford to be selfless anymore, im afraid my body literally cannot make it to the finishing line.. like literally..no joke..vomitted twice today, took some antacid pills and literally just had one meal today but cruise proj discussion was seriously productive. (: Happy that we created the " orthodox omen" .. Its some cool shit stuff, think we should sell the idea to some theme park, i would totally go for it.

time to change for the better, dont say ive not warn you.
im pretty sure you wouldn like the outcome if this goes on any further.

sometimes i really dont get it why i fcking still care, when people actually trample over my feelings, take advantage of my capabilities but i still do have a sense of empathy, standing in their shoes thinking " hey i guess she must have her reasons and..."

then when i look into the mirror, i realised..
no one is going to do the same for you

i decided to stop once and for all.

speaking of looking at the mirror,

as days go by, i see my colours fading...
its like im missing my "drug"

from today onwards, i shall be sad no more.
(: only happiness
like how im going to eliminate those nasty white cells heh.

i m gonna be ok!

My heart is beating its way to hypotension.

i received some not-so-good- news.
i wanted to share it with you
but guess the phonecall just didn ended so well that i decided not to.
the whites are more than the red ones. i hope this isnt so.

Its my life..i decide.

i need to dance, i gotta dance. But here comes reality speaking to me :,

"You are your own time machine"

thanks to my aweshomest auddball.. it made me realised..

its just 10 more weeks and i am free.

IN THE MIDST of all of this, there is still open house
dancer vs school freak

no more time to squeeze for anything else i swear.

sometimes you look at some people and you just can't help wondering that they wouldn't understand what you are going through only till they actually go through it themselves.. you are just experiencing something earlier and sooner that life will give it to them in the future. everyone will get it somehow some day, just how tedious will it be and how you can handle it.
your life, you choose.

people fail you, dont fail yourself, suck it up and get the job done.
If you are going through hell, make it a great one.
Karma always exist. its just a sooner or later thing.

she was damn awesome in the movie.
makes me wanna go to the war and stop being so melancholic over silly trivial matters in life.
im so not stress in my course and i can totally overcome all modules.
nothing beats going to war.

you gotta catch it.

So far ive fought these few battles( highlighted), more to come man. ( sigh)

18 nov- cruise test lec 1-4
20 nov- Gaming operations Case study assignment deadline
21 Nov- Pulau Ubin Mcc Field Trip for Project
23 nov- Facilities Management Test
25 Nov- Intro to Gaming Test
30 Nov- Spa Field Trip Report
30 Nov- Club Management Test
1 Dec- Spa and Wellness Management Test
4 Dec- Destination Planning and Development Field Trip Reflection
4dec- 22 dec ( TERM BREAK = CHIONG PROJ TIME FOR SUBMISSIONS WHEN SCHOOL REOPENS)
28dec-Spa and wellness management Project Reflection
31 Dec- Club Management Second life Assignment
6 Jan- Cruise Business Project Submission
8 Jan- Club Management- Second life assignment
8 Jan- Intro to Gaming Project Submission
11 Jan- Club Management second life assignment
11 jan Club Management Project Submission
11 jan- Destination and Planning and Development Project Submission
11-15 jan- introduction to gaming operations Group Presentations
15 jan- Destination and Planning and Development Project Reflection (Individual)
20 Jan- Cruise Business Interview
22 jan- Club Management - Interview
18-22 jan - Spa and wellness management - Proj Interview
25 Jan- Facitlities Management Project Submission
25-29 Jan- Facilities Management


FINAL YEAR EXAMS for all 6 modules

s t r o n g e r

i will search for it but this time ,alone. i'm pretty sure i can cope with this without anyone else. so fuck yeah dun you worry peops.
damn..this few weeks has been real unhealthy.

"today something happened. " plop" a heavy thud goes her heavy bundle of notes and she just cowered in one corner and couldn stop crying for quite a while. Her neighbors heard screams and banging..wondering what's going on.. then she wiped away those tears, walked out of the room and pretend like nothing ever happened and continued doing what she was supposed and have to do. oh she googled "depression" as well just to make sure she wasn't that pathetic just yet" - Elicia

Elicia :"damn you poor worthless thing, i really feel for you. Go ahead and cry your fucking heart out."
Leycia : " and after that, what should i do then?"
Elicia :" lie like you should"

what i want is someone who shares something more than just common with me, who understands me completely and even if i dont have to say it, i don't have to show it, some part of her will know.Someone who i will never have to lie to just to hide my real feelings.
i want a twin.The last person on earth who assumes my emotions or judge me. Someone who will never hurt me.
What i want is selfish, because somehow i am tired of being unselfish in this selfish world. You want what's impossible because you can't find it in reality. Not even close , not even a trace of this existence.

What i want, you can't give me. because slowly and unknowingly, i am becoming less of a priority.

"NONCHALANT WAS NEVER NATURALLY AN ADJECTIVE THAT CAME , IT WAS MADE."
i hate how everything i do, everything i think of is partially influenced by _____.
i am trying my utmost best to be as busy( even though i really am but i still miss you) so i won't have to swallow this " natural " occurrence that i have to accept. And because of this, i learned to be nonchalant towards any affection showered, because this is a new thing called self protection. Eventually it's going to break either's heart. I want to prepare for departure like how i should. It's not a stage rehearsal. Don't say i never tried.

because its spelt like that in the first place..

the truth is im tired of waiting for you.