HAPPY 19th BIRTHDAY MY DEAREST FIONNIEBIMBOTICTRAVELPARTNER!
it's in pink! sorry i couldn celebrate with you but i will pass you your present soon.hahas

yes, for that split moment we were crying together over the phone..because i know you will always and forever be here when i need you.What have i done?I'm so sorry.

每一滴眼泪在滴落的时候会诉说我隐藏的故事？

就算是你不小心接到了这滴落的眼泪也并不能让你解开我不想说的痛。。。

如果它不是一滴洒了盐的水。。也不是你想要翻的一本故事书。。

它是否是一种压抑不了的解脱？



在每一秒没有我， 你会曾想起我是怎么过你感到完好无缺的这一天。。还是觉得我很遥远。。是时候该放弃我。。

翻来覆去还是在我身上找不到一丝的勇敢。。也换不回逆转的时间。。
有时候疲倦，也并不是能清醒的分别它是那一类。。

就算是我再怎么隐瞒。。当这一滴不小心滑落在钢琴白键上的解脱。。听起来就像是断了旋的音乐盒。

我不是伤心。。我只是这一次

跌得很深，很痛。。

They just kept flowing and flowing like a spoiled tap...


and the funny thing is martin you caught two of the drops and the rest was drenched on pearl's comfy cardigan. I couldn control them at all, how silly....



i will pack my feelings up.


眼泪 /眼累...

I'm sorry you got to see this side of me today. I shall promise you that you will never see it again.

27 march

happy 19th birthday DNJH (:

Lao di fang again soon k after concert, we go on that night !!!

wo hen bu kai xin :(

you hen duo hen duo yao gen ni shuo
so you better be ready to dig your ears and listen to me hahahhas (:

JIAYOU FOR YOUR CORE






17 more weeks...
4 more months...
125 days

only i can change things around.. and only i can trust myself with all these secrets.. that i will never ever tell to anyone ever again. Only 3 people in my life. 3 and it's more than enough.



Thanks sy for today. You "slap" me real hard to wake up from this.

it's tmrow... AHHH.. shit hahas (: ok i can do it. I know i can.

ok time to go on a diet spree.. i ate like alot ALOT today :(

千と千尋の神隠し

never fails to cheer me up...

S I C K


S L E E K


MASAO <3

“ I would like to be the air that inhabits you for a moment only. I would like to be that unnoticed and that necessary. ” - Margaret Atwood, Variations On The Word “Sleep”





In rare dawn moments like these and especially when it's raining in the midst of evening to night.. it's a brilliant crimson maroon purplish... those that i will be mesmerised at the slight second the clouds shift gracefully :3

Oh and i got a treat today.. umeji as always..

2 for Edwin the muscleman
2 for CT
2 for Auddball and Sy
1 for DNJH

15 buckeroos each.. you know what to do..

PAY ME.. I'M BROKE VITCHES!

in times like these... i wished i has this little monster here with me..

i wanna play the piano again.. especially since i dedicated 8 years of my life for it..

i'm going to find back my interest




on a side note... the more i think of it the more



you are starting to disgust me.. like a ____


HAHA

cant stand it. tsk

Chuck: How do you think I feel? I have not slept, I feel sick, like there's something in my stomach. Fluttering.

Blair: Butterflies? Oh no no no. This is not happening.

Chuck: No one is more surprised or ashamed than I am.

Blair: Chuck, you know that I adore all of god's creatures and the metaphors they inspire. But those butterflies, have got to be murdered.




Blair: I'm not a stop-along-the-way. I'm a destination, and if you refuse to attend, I'm gonna have to find a replacement.



i seek inspiration from this bitchy character hahas.. i think life should be like this... you take control. Dont let the negativity take control of you.

Everything stops here.

You are never gonna see that side of me ever again.
This memory is going to be a specimen like how people is going to feel emotionless when they kill butterflies. Just like how they feel it's alright when they kill moths. I wont feel the guilt to kill the prettier one.

former or latter.. it doesn't matter

burning, i'm burning up. The temperature rises again and i feel flushed just now. So flushed and burning hot that my cheeks were pink and for one moment my vision was blurred especially when wee ming turned me, i was seeing circles and circles... gosh..

The temperature says 39,i can totally feel myself radiating heat hahahahs. Like i would be in high demand if its winter now ! hahas :D

Thanks for the starfruit lil kaycee ! (: and i never knew estee, your shoulders are damn good to lie on, just for that one item i dozed off....

.

Grabbed from miss yuri hahas (;

maybe i shouldn shoot down the halos of these angels to be with me..

"just for thought"

why is it that when someone becomes nothing, then it means something?
what happened to the process when she became nothing? where were those something

sometimes i wonder why words can mean nothing and silence can mean everything..

fever, fever, fever,fever, fever, fever,fever, fever, fever,fever, fever, fever,fever, fever, fever,fever, fever, fever,fever, fever, fever,fever, fever, fever,fever, fever, fever,fever, fever, fever,fever, fever, fever,fever, fever, fever,fever, fever, fever,fever, fever, fever,fever, fever, fever,fever, fever, fever,fever, fever, fever,fever, fever, fever,fever, fever, fever,fever, fever, fever,fever, fever, fever,fever, fever, fever,fever, fever, fever,fever, fever, fever,fever, fever, fever,fever, fever, fever,fever, fever, fever,fever, fever, fever,fever, fever, fever,fever, fever, fever,fever, fever, fever,fever, fever, fever,fever, fever, fever,fever, fever, fever,fever, fever, fever,fever, fever, fever,fever, fever, fever,fever, fever, fever,fever, fever, fever,fever, fever, fever,fever, fever, fever,fever, fever, fever,fever, fever, fever,fever, fever, fever,fever, fever, fever,fever, fever, fever,fever, fever, fever,fever, fever, fever,fever, fever, fever,fever, fever, fever,fever, fever, fever,fever, fever, fever,fever, fever, fever,fever, fever, fever,fever, fever, fever,fever, fever, fever,fever, fever, fever,fever, fever, fever,fever, fever, fever,fever, fever.......

on the verge of giving up.


A goodbye isn't painful unless you're never going to say hello again.

Beauty queen of only eighteen
She had some trouble with herself
He was always there to help her
She always belonged to someone else
I drove for miles and miles
And wound up at your door
I've had you so many times but somehow
I want more

I don't mind spending everyday
Out on your corner in the pouring rain
Look for the girl with the broken smile
Ask her if she want's to stay a while
And she will be loved
She will be loved

Tap on my window knock on my door
I want to make you feel beautiful
I know I tend to get so insecure
It doesn't matter anymore
It's not always rainbows and butterflies
It's compromise that moves us along
My heart is full and my door is always open
You can come anytime you want

I don't mind spending everyday
Out on your corner in the pouring rain
Look for the girl with the broken smile
Ask her if she wants to stay a while
And she will be loved
She will be loved

I know where you hide
Alone in your car
Know all of the things that make you who you are
I know that goodbye means nothing at all
Comes back and begs me to catch her every time she falls

Tap on my window knock on my door
I want to make you feel beautiful

I don't mind spending everyday
Out on your corner in the pouring rain
Look for the girl with the broken smile
Ask her if she wants to stay a while
And she will be loved
She will be loved

Brooke: I thought I knew you. But I guess it's easier to see what we want than to look for the truth. You think you know me but you don't. And that means you don't know what I can do. You see me as someone popular and has all the answers but that's not true. I may not always know what I'm doing but I'll try to make things better. And when I make a mistake, because face it, we all do, I promise I'll ask for your help. I can't do this alone, but if you'll take a chance on me, we can do great things together. I promise if you believe in me, I'll find the courage to reach for your every dream. John F. Kennedy said, "the courage of life is a magnificent mixture of triumph and tragedy. A man does what he must, in spite of personal consequences, in spite of obstacles and dangers and pressures. And that is the basis of all morality".

Felix: Brooke, just talk to me. Just tell me how you feel. I know it's scary and I know you had a hard time with Lucas. But just tell me if you can show me your heart. Because if you do, I'll guard it with my life. Just say okay.

Brooke: Okay.

3rd and 4th april ; Friday and Saturday
I have currently reserved 6 tickets.
Time: 7.30 open doors
Venue: TP auditorium

Please get back to me by next Wednesday if you'r interested in watching this dance performance in which you will utterly regret if you'r not coming. HHAHAS

idodisco@hotmail.com or contact me at my cell, dearest friends that know.

popping. ballroom, lyrical, reggae, ghetto,breaking, jazz and if you think my blog song is cheesy, this musical you won't wanna miss.

Called Estee 5 mins ago cause i was in real pain that i couldn even walked back to my room from the kitchen. Comforted me in the most milo ways (: hahas, I'm feeling better. Suppose to update you at 9.00pm, so here i am updating that i'm feeling a wee bit better while sipping this hot milo washing down the pain. Thanks, my smiling hero. You came to my rescue.

The right company, the right words, the right hand, the right scent, the right security at this rightful place while we talk the night away.. right now.

Haven been able to swallow my food down properly, i can feel it go down to the stomach and it hurts when it reached the middle part. I remember vividly just this morning, there's this awfully "glog glog" sound in my stomach in which i can feel it scraping. Ate chili Arriabiata pasta, totally forgotten about it.Now, i'm throwing up alot of gastric acid every now and then. I think by far, this one could be the worse cause i see traces of blood that is in my spit.

Every moment spent in the studio, i feel guilty for not setting my priorities, in which this guilt will eat up to the silent nights. Every moment spent on the train is trying to remember these formulars. Are you watching after me up above? You won't ever know how much i miss you. Every single person can come up to me with console, but i cant find closure.

Life can be selfish, when the next moment, everything in your world can change. I need to turn this around.

Costume: no time to get
Vetting: SIP starts the day after my paper
Training: i cant go because i wont be able to concentrate. Maybe i shouldn hear the complains because seriously you have nothing to complain about. I would trade anything to be dancing right now without all these pulling me down.
Ejournal to be submitted, when i barely start work.

After the production, if i actually survive, i will return to work the next day.

Nevertheless, the show must go on..

My system is going down
for real

it's scarying me. :(


oh and random thought hahas, i saw this ( pic above) at Cine today! This is the only toy that i would ever want, if that is i have the money. :D Nicole said it looked like me ._. hahas!

This is my last dance with you
This is my only chance to do, all I can do
To let you know, that what I feel for you is real
(So real, real)
This is the last chance for us
This is the moment that I just (cannot let) end
Before I know that there's a chance were more than friends
(So don't let go) so don't let go (don't let go)
Make it last all night
This is my last chance to make you mine

Mine, baby yeah
I kept my feelings so deep (so deep)
I kept my dreams of you and me, somewhere inside
Although I pray that you would see it in my eyes
(My eyes, my eyes)
But this is my last chance to say
What's in my heart before you fade, out of my life
And then you'll understand the way I feel inside
(So hold me close) so hold me close (hold me close)
Cause it feels (feels so right) so right
This is my last chance to make you mine
(To make it real) make this dream reality
So close and yet so far (and yet so far)
Gotta find a way into your heart (gotta find a way in)
(Speak my mind) gotta speak my mind
(Gotta open up to you) gotta open up to you this time
I can't let you slip away tonight

This is my last dance with you
This is my only chance to do, all I can do
To let you know that what I feel for you is real
So don't let go
Just make it last, all night long
This is my last chance to make you mine
Mm, hm, yeah
To make you mine

Feels blessed that i get to see the most beautiful sight of many, those that encouraged me through this period.. Thank you. It means a lot for me to walk one step at a time to overcome this obstacle. I may seem to not care on the surface especially when you come up to ask, but underneath every :" are you feeling better?" means a million more than you think.


I just dont know how to espress my gratitude face to face hahas, but yeap.

This post is dedicated to these people that encouraged me.

-Sy
-Auddball
-Estee
-Fion
-Lavone
-Martin
-Ayozi
-Weiliang
-Eulene
- Aty

Be it a smile, hug, tag means something.. (;

and wee ming hahahs! Thanks for always being the one that lead my steps, support me and willing to do ballroom. Glad that you'r my waltz partner. Jiayou! (; I wont let you down even though now and then i cant be there due to all these problems.

Had an awesome day. Just talking.. talking like i've never did before. This time with the right people that understands what i've been hiding and avoiding to talk about for the past two months.

Estee, Fion ,Martin. Thanks, it means a lot.

this especially hahas!

Am really sorry suria, i dont know what i mentioned that day, maybe i reflect too much but i dont want it to affect other's mood too. Just wanna help to get through this period. If you felt emotional about it because you can relate to what i said, i hope it's something good and not bad. Blame me for being insensitive, but it was unintentional yeah. Love you darling little kaycee. (:

Finally met up with my girls ! (: Sorta like i replaced this for friday that i missed, which we'd meet up every week. Gonna suck even more especially since their ITP started already and my SIP is gonna start so very soon. >:/ (sulks) M&Med then sat the long bus route taking 16 from PS listening to the station and christina milan was on the play..

Had a long talk with sy and she made me realised that people always judge no matter what. I know personally that i am so very not friendly on the first look but seriously, does it affect how much you want to know me? Because i believe if you really care to know a person, you will make an effort by not judging.Sometimes i even questioned do people regret their actions or do they eventually realise that what they missed will never be replaced. Why does everything seem so sweet at first then crash and burn? Do the aftereffects of regret actually exist..This vicious cycle sadly only last for a while and fades off. However, i strongly believe that if "it's" true, if "it's" so strong, both parties will feel it even 5 years down the road. Like how sometimes i have those bittersweet reminisce and i still feel that tinge of sadness that i did not cherish what i had years ago. But somehow, you will never want it back.

It's a responsibility to bring a person to the next step when you've brought her to the finishing line of this one,

even if it means you wont be there for her.

" When sandcastles fall like the ashes of cigarettes.."

MEOWLLO!!!!!! I am KUPO desuuuuu. I am best at acting innocent with my sky blue eyes and try to get on anything that's chewable. I love to stretch my paws because you will pretend to be intimidated by my claws then pity me because i'm eventually a furballll. I love to show my fangs when you give me attention but honestly i meant no harm (: Oh, and i really dont mean to snatch that teddy bear back massage stick from my owner, but purrrrrrrrrr it looks so good to chew off its ears. I promise i will not run about when i'm having my bath. I promise i will not climb and stick my claws on the curtains like a monkey and i promise i will not act stupid and run about eventually hitting my head and concuss. Lastly, i will pay back that scratched sofa with my doe eye expression, promise :3

MEOW wwww~ *MANJA x 100000*

well if you watched Marley and Me, this is so like KUPO AND ME. Shes not a cat.
Shes a monster i swear

i'm generally happy these days.. i wonder why?

Is it because i'm a sadist that my life is kinda CRAZY now? Or am i just so tired that it makes me happy to just sit down and talk to my friends and listen to their problems.

I believe now my ears do more of the job than my mouth. K said that i belong to the type that will shut people off my life. I can't help to agree more. I honestly don't intend to be modified to be that species, but too many things happened last year.


Things happened so fast, it changed me. I honestly don't even know who i am anymore. So distanced from everything deep beneath. Everything seems generally normal on the surface.I just wanna be that person who can make someone smile again. That is something vital to me because that hadn happen in a long long time. All i see is some tears and hugs when i say my problems that seem so burdening that i decided that i shouldn say anymore. Shut up liting, just shut up. Saying eventually won't solve any problems.

So i decided, i will lend my listening ears from now onwards. Nothing beats a smile on a face when i give my advices (: Happy me when my friends are happy. So my world's kinda UPSIDE DOWN every time but i will try to turn it around every once in a while. :D

It keeps getting better..

its absolutely surreal, shes staring back at me with those sky blue eyes, as if she knew i was going through a torment. I love kupo :'( but it's gonna be Goodbye soon very soon. Felt sorry, cause now she's wet with my tears, wet on her forehead but still i feel grateful that this little creature became a part of me life for this period.


On a side note, that day K-ed with Estee and Fion hahas, Fion introed me this song, listen to it yeah? Touched me. With love, Ella to her bulldog (:

TEMASEK POLYTECHNIC

SCHOOL OF BUSINESS

DIPLOMA IN LEISURE & RESORT MANAGEMENT

STUDENT INTERNSHIP PROGRAMME

16 MARCH 2009-31 JULY 2009 (20 WEEKS)

Date	Activities	Remarks
29 November 08 (Sat)	Classroom Session 1 – Introduction to Working Life Classroom Session II – Sharing on Resume Writing Classroom Session III – Introduction to SIP	LT 21, 10 a.m. – 1 p.m.
By 12 December 08	Students prepare Draft Resume/Application Letters/Rejection Letters	Consult CP if required
12 Dec 08 – 16 Jan 09	Students apply to companies and attend interviews
19 Jan 09	Students confirm placement with SIP Committee through e-filing	E-survey link to be sent through TP student email
7 Mar 09 (Sat)	Classroom session IV (a) – OSIP Meet-the-parents Classroom session IV (b) – Meet your LO session	BS26-05-17 Rms: BS26-4-25 to 42
16 March 09	SIP Commences ( one day before Vetting) HAHA* bitter shrew*
18 April 09 (Sat)	Classroom session VI (back to campus)	BS26-4-25 to 42
16 May 09 (Sat)	Classroom session VII (back to campus)	Venue to be announced on OLE BB
11 July 09 (Sat)	Final Classroom session VIII (back to campus)	Venue to be announced on OLE BB
31 Jul 09	End of SIP
11 Aug 09	Back to campus Submit Portfolio, Performance Appraisal and Feedback on 11 Aug 09 (Tuesday) by 4 p.m. at LRM Staff Room: BS26-6-53

Speechless of what's ahead of me, a mist of anxiety and heartaches, back pains,now a rush of fever sets in... i have nothing to gain nor lose, but why am i so upset, i feel manipulated. I don't wanna ever show that side of me, but why does it always surface at unspeakable times.

Sometimes,i seek a silent comfort and solace from hugs secretly. Now i cant find any. Not even one that has a sense of assurance. Nevertheless, the heart keeps going on. I have no feelings for anything whatsoever, this habit gets stronger each and everyday. You've not changed, but i have and all this while you were never there to witness the changes..

No longer who you thought i was anymore.

words should never speak louder than actions. So don't promise me if you cant do it.

This song means alot to me. Depicts everything.

i dont think anybody can understand the stress i'm going through now so i will shut up, suck it up and deal with it.

If i'm not talking to you, it doesnt mean i'm being deadly insanely aloof its because i'm sleeping mentally.. especially when hell is gonna break loose on after 16th of march.

I have absolutely no freedom

and its definitely NOT just the CONCERT schedule up there because everyone's going through the same thing.

Bye

This is かずみ!　

looks like a pharoah persian in this one
Secretly in love with Leonardo Dicarprio

and gives you the teary doe eyed face..

snuggles to sleep

how can you not adore sucha feminine feline?

and her eyes are turquoise or is it sea blue.... OMG

and nobody understands the pain i'm going through, the struggle to make those decisions. True if i dont perform it doesn make a difference, one less person on stage. To me it's my last chance before 5 months of nothing. absolutely nothing. I dont think anyone can understand the sacrifice i'm making here, its 9-6 at work from 16 onwards. Night training? idts. I should not perform?

Honestly i feel abandoned.