Monday, May 25, 2009


sometimes i wanna be ugly and i wanna be weak. Such moments can be vulnerable, fragile and shaky, but its times like this that i truly understand how one can replace a flaw with an inner beauty.

Through these 3 months, i have been tired, locked in a shopping mall at 2 am with a complete stranger during tear down of an event, cried at anxiety, mocking at my disparity and incapability to garner any motivation,fighting desperately to maintain a lit candle that's burning in me and lastly hoping that my friends will not leave me even if i do not tell the story.


Guess sometimes,not telling is like wearing an 8 inch high heel walking the city on highways. Taking flight at risk, pain and denial. Nevertheless, now is the moment when i just wanna take it all off, walk barefooted and see who will truly stay put even when i have walked a thousand miles with blisters and bruises. Those that will catch me when i fall, will not turn an eye away at my exhaustion and when everything is over, i will look back and see how far i have walked.

If i was ever pretty for these 3 months, it was never physically. I shall dedicate this chapter to my inner feelings. One that can only be named when i have truly seen how beautiful one can be even if it means, everything is going downhill from here.

Not talking, not saying. Just showing it unintentionally.
Seeing me gradually, realising from every fatigue that's written on my face; tells a story. One that i will never tell. there are just so much that i will never understand, so i'm just falling, tripping and learning.


Don't blame me for walking on. it could be just you that chose to leave and give up because you can't accept any of my flaws.





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